#LIVING WITH A CHRONIC ILLNESS
// the unblemished truth
★ Living with a chronic illness is neither glamorous nor romantic as some Hollywood movie wants you to believe.
There is no ‘McDreamy’ or McSexy’ waiting for you in the ER. And you are not the outstanding ‘medical mystery’ the medical world was waiting for for ages.
Buckle up, here’s the truth: You are the one who drops out of the medical and social system. You become the crazy one, the lame one, the liar, the one who’s seeking attention, the one who doesn’t want to work.
YOU LOOSE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE, MONEY & CAREER
After a while, friends stop calling or texting you because you are either too weak to answer or can’t join the fun party on Saturday anyways.
At some point, the only difference between a weekday and weekends becomes the TV schedule. And your once vivid social life is slowly becoming a fading memory.
You end up in a never known social isolation and aloneness.
IT BECOMES ALL ABOUT HEALTH & RECOVERY
You start reading medical and health books instead of travel guides and inspiring or fun novels – IF you have the energy to read at all…
You spend your money on capsules, pills, doc appointments, diverse treatments, and lots of dubious ‘super remedies’ instead of eating and drinking out with friends, fancy clothes, or other fun stuff because you have only one goal: living a healthy life again, feeling normal again, being normal again, being yourself again.
YOU JUST WANT YOUR OLD LIFE BACK
You want nothing more than feeling well again, and than participating in life actively as you used to do, don’t you?
When you go to bed in pain and wake up in pain, are experiencing severe cognitive impairments and indescribable bodily and mental fatigue, as well as a bunch of other symptoms and disorders such as blurred vision, rapid heartbeat or numbness in your limbs, FOR YEARS, you might get a little bit edgy, stressed, emotionally unstable, frustrated, angry, and / or sad.
YOU BECOME A LIAR
Nevertheless, you are eagerly keeping up the charade that you got this, that you don’t need help, that you are okay after all. Well, THAT is actually the lie you are telling – that you got this, that you are super strong, that you aren’t afraid and that you are ALWAYS super duper optimistic. That’s bullshit and a lie we tell ourselves because facing the truth is utterly heartbreaking.
WE FAKE BEING WELL NOT BEING SICK
We ARE afraid, we are NEITHER super-strong NOR always super duper optimistic. We just don’t want to bother anyone with our daily struggles, we don’t want to become a burden for anyone.
Accordingly, we don’t tell anyone how bad we actually are, that we cry, that we pray in tears, that we have asked for salvation a million times, that we would sell our soul to the devil for healing and getting our old life back, that we have spoken the words ‘I can’t do this anymore’ a thousand times, that we lose our smile as soon as we are alone.
WE ARE FIGHTING EVERY DAY
But yet, we are still here; strongheaded, full of kindness, and love, determined to move on, decided to create our best possible life after sickness took our old one.
Even if we are socially forgotten, financially broken, emotionally wounded, and physically impaired – we keep going. Every damn day.
YOU ARE A SUPERHERO
That is why everyone who’s living with a chronic illness is a superhero, an angel in the shape of a human being, and an inspiration for others; you are a badass fighter, you make this world a better place, you are a light that keeps shining even in the darkest hour.
It’s not the sickness that defines you; it’s you who defines you.
Never forget that.
Much love and healing, Nadine